Bullies in the home are a reality that millions of adults have personally experienced it by their biological or nonbiological sibling(s). Bullies, who are aggressive siblings, has never been considered an important societal issue. Generally within the mindset of society it is considered harmless.
Bullies are often siblings living in the home.
Acceptance of bullies who are siblings has come about about because it is perceived as a competitive rite of passage that is helpful to adulthood. This unfortunately is firmly still in place. Since the beginning of mankind, children within families, have been bickering and trading aggressions. The real focus, however, hasn’t been on how harmful bullies, who are sibs, can be to adulthood.
Bullies are very hurtful to adulthood.
Bullies, the majority, aren’t at school. Bullies are more prevalent in the home. The #1 origin of the present epidemic of bullying comes from the present epidemic of bullies who are siblings. When many child are victimized by bullies who are sibs, they will act it out on other children. When a children are victimized by bullies who are siblings, they often send out signals of being a victim and in turn attract bullies.
The torment and fighting that is often shrugged off as normal sibling rivalry can significantly alter the brain of a child.
Bullies who are siblings, can alter the brain of the child.
I am a survivor of sibling abuse. Over the years I have consulted with survivors who struggled with emotional issues and sabotaged themselves in their careers because of humiliation they experienced in their own home at the hands of bullies who were sibling(s) cousin(s), step, etc. I discovered that this little acknowledged type of abuse, is very eroding to the identity and self esteem. The victim can constantly have doubts and worries about their ability to perform. Because of in-home bullies, they often have inability to trust their self with decisions and/or contact with human beings. The outcome is often excessive self criticism.
I want to share beneficial and much needed empowerment information for recovery for the adult survivor’s life. They are offered to strengthen and heal from sibling abuse.
1. Understand the Brain & The Hippocampus
The “hippocampus” is often activated and sends out pervasive feelings of anxiety, helplessness, and panic. New research suggests that even when there are no physical scars, aggression from sib bullies can inflict psychological scarring to mental patterns that can last a lifetime.
Bullies often alter the hippocampus of a child’s brain.
According to what little research has been conducted, adults, subjected to sibling abuse, who were attacked, threatened, intimidated in childhood/adolescents, have an increased risk of PTSD, depression, anger and anxiety. Negative information and beliefs are actually over learned and stored in the hippocampus. The function of the hippocampus is to store memories. The hippocampus “forever” archives the aggression and has a difficult time ignoring its presence. Knowledge about this portion of the brain is helpful in reducing hopelessness and shame.
Reformatting the hippocampus to its normal state is very difficult. Many therapists aren’t trained in how to unravel what an aggressive sibling has done. It is extremely important for the survivor to not only know the parts of their own brain, but be proactive in acquiring knowledge about what therapists and treatments are helpful in reformatting the hippocampus which is trauma work, EMDR, CBT, etc. This information helps in not feeling fated or that abuse and aftermath, by bullies in the home setting, has no hope or remedy for recovery.
2. Practice Meditation & Positive Inner Communication
Because the hippocampus is altered, an adult survivor can live an inner life time of never ending torment. The inner self often says:
*Can I be free of my past and move on?
*Will I ever have a normal life?
*Will this anxiety ever go away?
*Why do I keep attracting the wrong people?
Meditation is helpful for many survivors because it calms the brain and helps it to be in present time, rather than the past. Within a state of calm the brain has more of an opportunity to notice the stored negative beliefs from a state of detachment. With skillful discipline and the assistance of the trauma therapy, the brain is able to oppose negative conditioning. (Therapy Referral/see website).
Helpful anchor statements are:
I am good, I have opportunities, I have abilities, I have empowerment, etc.
Helpful affirmations to repeatedly say to self. Try writing them 3 x’s a day by hand.
I have a river of peace running through me.
I have solutions for my (financial, relationship, home environment, etc) and I hold to my inner strength.
I have organized my home so I feel safe and comforted.
Sibling bullies and the aftermath requires positive thoughts.
I hope that this has been helpful and I look forward to sharing with you again. It is never too late to recover from what a sibling did to our lives.
Nancy Kilgore, M.S.